Britcom ordure... I have absolutely nothing against Mackenzie Crook - he was in The Office, which is always going to mean kudos to him, and Pirates no.1 was good fun, so no complaints there. However, this latest attempt at a British comedy has more in common with Sex Lives of the Potato Men than Shaun of the Dead. By which I mean it sucks hard.

Called Three And Out (which is an entirely unmemorable title, and one I kept forgetting and having to get my other half to remind me of), it's basically about a sadsack, loner tube driver - played by Crook - who has the misfortune of having two people fall to their deaths under his train in the space of a few weeks. His colleagues then inform him of the unspoken rule - if you're unlucky enough to have three people perish under you in the space of a month, you get pensioned off owing to the emotional trauma, receiving ten years' pay in a lump sum. Crook's character dreams of fleeing London for a life of solitude in Scotland where he can fulfil his dreams and write a novel. So he comes up with a plan - to find someone who is about to do the deed and pay them £1500 to wait a few days and chuck themselves under his train - which he manages to do in the shape of a down on his luck Irishman (played by Colm Meaney).

The majority of the film is thus taken up with this odd couple's road trip in order for Meaney to locate his wife and daughter whom he abandoned eight years before, give them some money and impart some wisdom or somesuch before returning to London and offing himself on the tracks. I'm extremely anti spoiler so even though I urge you not to waste your time, let alone your money, on this woeful movie, I will not give away the ending. Suffice to say, it does away with any sense of realism or attempt at credible actions and is simply ludicrous. Aiming for a mix of laughs and emotional beats, it delivers few of the former and possibly, possibly one of the latter.

The best thing about it is seeing quite a lot of Gemma Arterton (the new Bond chick) in an unnecessary sex scene. Nice boobs though. And that is my final word on the matter.