What makes me angry is this countries obsequious pandering to the American lifestyle, like those fat, inbred, thick as shit, trigger happy monkeys have anything to offer anyone.

Sorry, that is perhaps a little generalised and rather caustic but I'm a tad pissed off.

Firstly I'm not eating very much chocolate, and I freaking love chocolate. I was raised by a dyed in the wool chocoholic, my mother would literally kill babies for chocolate at one stage. Sometimes I wonder if she has in fact committed human rights atrocities to feed her addiction.

Why am I not eating much chocolate? Because Kraft are a big fat bunch of greasy fingered twats is why!

Not only are they about to rape a British institution but they're going to do it with money apparently borrowed from a British bank!!

And that's what really gets me worked up, is how god damned stupid we have got, that we live in a country were national pride has been reduced to selling each other out for whatever we can get. At least Americans try to have a little self respect.

It's not as though they're force feeding us the American lifestyle, we're just guzzling it down like the ever increasingly fat country we are.

For example I went into Somerfield (now owned by the Co-Op), never been the most delightful place for customer service as I'm fairly certain they only hire mental hospital out-patients. However now when I'm on my 30 minute dinner and having queued quite some time, I get to the till I am assailed with pointless and annoying questions...

"Do you have a Co-Op members card?"
"Would you like one?"
"Did you you know it's a lottery roll over this week?"
"Would You like a lottery ticket?"
"Do you need any stamps?"

I'm buying a tin of soup and a bread roll, why the fuckity would I need stamps!?! Perhaps I've a adopted a stance of bizarre forward planning and I'm now posting my dinner to myself to avoid having to be bombarded by inane questions.

And in some places I'm now confronted by sales assistants giving me their shitting name! Why the hell do I want to know your name! I don't even want you polyester sweat stains near me thank you very much, let alone develop our brief relationship to a first name basis.

Or maybe I'm just being a grumpy fart, if I'm honest when I was in New York I rather liked the people there, and the service. Then again, there's not really any Americans in New York and you expect the service, in Sheffield, well I prefer a certain amount of social distance.

Most certainly not Sweet.

WeIt can be difficult to know what to write on these things, so I put a plan into motion last week to give me something to write about, I bought God of War 3. On the same day my house-mate bought Just Cause 2, which we proceeded to play, a lot, as we always do.

So I think I'll write about that, but we don't play games properly, we like to faff about doing stupid little things that have no real bearing on the main plot. If you don't know JC2 is also a sandbox game, so essentially we spent the weekend doing nothing.

Hmm, what to do, what to do?

Can't review JC2, I've only played enough to know that I'm currently working on the grappling hook plus re-depolyable parachute thingy as it is the only way we will travel in 10 years time.

Can't review GoD3 cause I only just started playi...oh wait KICK-ASS!!!



To sum up my previous knowledge and expectations of KICK-ASS:

1. Awesome premise of an ordinary kid become less than super super-hero;
2. Awesome British writers Mark Millar(comic), Jane Goldman(screenplay);
3. Awesome British director Matthew Vaughn who doesn't take shit (screw you The One Show);
4. Funded by said Awesome director because the obtuse, half-wit, tasteless, feckless, artistically stunted movie studios wouldn't fund it. Pussy's (or is it pussies);
5. Filmed in the UK with an awesome British lead Aaron Johnson;
6. Awesome trailer.

So I had high hopes, the trailer had blown me away and the "against all odds" story around the making of the film made me warm to it even more. Don't think me foolish though, I was there for The Phantom Menace, I saw the rape of Indiana Jones! I steeled myself for a movie that was full of good intentions but lacked all capacity to actually entertain.

Thank Gods my preparations were unnecessary!

Kick-Ass does in fact...entertain a whole lot and then some (ok, I did write it first time, I even texted that line to Geeky Tom, to my eternal shame).

I haven't read the comic, didn't want to, but I have spoke to someone who has so in my references to the comic bear this mind and don't get all precious. I'm going to read it but I'm reading The Boys right now so tough tities.

Is this possibly the best super-hero movie ever made? That's too big a question for my feeble mind, but I'd put it in the top 3.

The writing is great, it flips from feeling natural to comic book ludicrous, all at the right points and at the key moments which gets some great inspirational speeches. The scene were Kick-Ass first gets his chance to shine and basically lays down his mission statement, will forever be etched in my mind. Also I love the little mundane, slightly off topic chats that happen throughout the film. I've a feeling they're ad-libed which would make them even more enjoyable, DVD commentary watch me thinks.

And that's the thing, there haven't been a whole lot of films recently were I've thought "man I'd love to watch that with commentary", but with Kick-Ass you feel there's this bigger story going on.

There are a few major changes to the story such as Big Daddy and Hit Girls back story, which I feel would be a pacing issue. There's very little of the Kick-Ass/Red Mist team up which I feel is a bit of a disservice in a way, and did make me doubt some of Red Mists stronger feelings towards the end. On the flip side though there's the way they treated Red Mist, apparently giving him more back story and in my opinion making him more interesting and enjoyable to watch.

On that note the acting is pitch perfect, thought there are some oddities.



Firstly Kick-Ass/Aaron Johnson really plays the emotion well, his impotent rage in the beginning, then the righteous indignation, but at the same time he's still just a scared kid. In a way it truly is the origin of a hero story.



Hit Girl/Chloe Moretz is scarily good, really really good, and I'm going to say what many may fear to say in the real world (it's in the film) but I feel someone has to...she's kinda hot. Mostly, child characters in films are just crap, or creepy and annoying. When you're watching Hit Girl you forget it's a tiny child you're watching, until there's a glimmer of the scared little kid hiding inside, genius.

Big Daddy/Nicholas Cage is an odd one, I love how messed up he is, training his tiny child to kill mobsters. From the moment you see them it's pretty clear he's nuttier than a Snickers wrapped in a nut loaf and sprinkled with nuts, then eaten by a crazy person. But...the way he plays it makes more sense for the character in the comic than in the film. At the end of the comic it turns out his back story is a lie and he's actually a comic book nerd gone mad who kidnaps his daughter and trains her to kill a mobster he fixated on after his marriage split. Evil genius in my mind but I feel I agree it wouldn't of worked on teh big screen.

Both me and a friend were worried that Red Mist/Christopher Mintz-Plasse would just be McLovin the super-hero. We were so very wrong, he plays a great character whose much more fleshed out from the comics and I'm curious to see were he goes with it.

I suppose I should mention Frank D'Amico/Mark Strong, as he is the bad guy, and he doesn't do anything bad. But I feel he's not really the point of the film, and his whole mob are such an enjoyable bunch of wise-guy cannon fodder that he kind gets lost. Not in a bad way but lets be clear this is an origins story, and probably the best ever because it doesn't feel that way. Till after of course, when your writing a blog and thinking about it too much.

OK I've not got much time left, need to go play GoD3, NEED!

Matthew Vaughn is a genius. The film is beautiful, pacing, editing, music (the music is just cussing awesome) it's the whole mise-en-scene package. But I suppose when your funding it you are going to do a damn good job. It could of changed into one of those passion pieces though, the ones were the director runs rampant, thinks he's made his masterpiece and ends up looking like a tit. If that's the case with this film Vaughn must have some really great people around him to keep his head in the game.

I'd say the next time someone wants to make a great film and the studios don't give them a look just look at Kick-Ass. This could herald a new age of independent cinema, one were the movies do in fact Kick-Ass. (Damn it, I got all the way to the end!)

Oh before I go there were several damn good trailers before Kick-Ass but one in particular caught my eye as; 1. Its filmed set in Sheffield 2. It's Chris Morris

Here's Four Lions:



Sweet

I have had my hair cut and with this new hair comes certain responsibilities, thus from this day forward (it should of been yesterday but I was a little drunk, lets remember here these are self imposed responsibilities) I will attempt to post weekly. Yes weekly.

And thus the scope of my gaze may shift from current events to ghosts of things that have passed, depending on my mood and/or attention span for that given week.

Just quickly as this wasn't supposed to be part of this post, I'm just watching the new Flash Forward and I'm reminded why I lost interest before. Why? Well I just really couldn't give a toss if they all just blacked out and never woke again, I just plain don't like anyone in that program. Could be one of those watch in one sitting shows though so maybe I'll come back to it. Let me know what it is I'm missing if you disagree. On second thoughts go screw yourself, that's the most annoying messianic voice over ever, had enough of it on Heroes.

Onwards!

For Mother's Day I treated my mum to Alice in Wonderland on IMAX 3D, an unusual Mother's Day jaunt you may think but both my sisters live in Australia so I pretty much have free reign to do what ever family stuff I choose.


Firstly IMAX 3D certainly is worth the money and straight after leaving I jotted in my diary Clash of the Titans and Tron: Legacy, especially Tron!

Perhaps Alice wasn't the best movie for an introduction to IMAX 3D, Avatar would of been amazing but I could't sit through that narrative miasma again.


Alice is a return to form for Burton (thank god it wasn't another Wonka) and beautifully captures the look and feel of wonderland, through a Burton tinted lens of course. The whole world is fantastically realised in a true artistic fashion down to the finest details, even those that don't take centre stage, which I think is the sign of real genius.

Then we get to the end and are eternally branded with the knowledge that Burton should avoid song and dance numbers at all costs, wait, didn't we learn that with Wonka. He also seems to have forgot how a film ends, perhaps he just didn't want to let go of this project.

And so I come to the most important part of my IMAX 3D experience: TRON: LEGACY!


If I'd seen this on a tiny, tiny computer screen I would of loved this, however I saw this on IMAX 3D. Just let that sink in, Tron: Legacy, in 3D on a screen however many stories high, I very nearly got up and left right there, you know, to spend a little time alone, with my thoughts...

The production design on this is truly amazing, lets hope the story lives up to the look (unlike Avatar) but from what's being thrown around the net this sounds like the case.

What fills me with hope is the subtle but effective marketing that has been done for Tron. Flynnlives.com and all the associated ARG and viral Mcgubbins have been so carefully planned if even half that care and attention makes it to the film, well it'll be sweet. It reminds me of the Dark Knight marketing that built up over such a long time, and well, that was OK wasn't it.

I have some giant IMAX 3D fingers crossed.

Sweet.