Why is English humour even more funny when it's ripping into Americans? Its just one of those things like ice-cream tastes better when it belongs to someone else.

Not written for a week or so but the world keeps turning and news keeps coming my way.

Firstly some news which will excite Geeky Tom, one of my all time favourite games is being made into a film. Return to Castle Wolfentstein has been optioned and is the hands of Samual Hadida and Roger Avary, and as people go I could think of worse, namely German sycophants who have no basic concept of what a film is and go by the name of Uwe. Hadida is a solid producer and I really like Avary's writing style plus he's been working with Neil Gaimen recently (Beowulf) so that can only mean good and dark things. But lets face it whatever happens the film is gonna have the supernatural and nazis, not to mention nazis dying in a variety of ways.

The ultimate geek news of the week has been developments in the World of Warcraft movie. Now this confuses me cause quite honestly I can't see it working, fun if it did but I dont see how. The latest update claims a 100 million budget and a release date of 2009, and the they have Thomas Tull producer of 300 on board. Their also after a director in the same league as Zak Synder and Chrsi Nolan which would be amazing I suppose but then they use lines like this:

"The film itself will revolve around a ‘badass’ new hero, with a theme towards conflict and culture - being a War Movie rather than a quest movie, from an Alliance’s perspective."

"Badass"? Who the hell uses the word badass any more, it sounds like such a sleazey exec comment I was actually a little bit sick in my mouth. But what if the other stuff works out? We could be looking at the geekiest movie ever made!!!

Oh and heres some concept art (just looks like art from the game but who am I to argue).



Finally before I go to finish reading Harry Potter (I'll let you know about that whiney little git next, ooh my parents died, get over it) some rumours about the next Dr Who. Could it be the Dr Jekyll is taking on another doctor role? I'm not so sure, I think James Nesbitt is hot stuff after the amazing Jekyll it's only natural rumours like this would get attached to him. We shall see, besides I hear he's going to be working on the next season of Jekyll anyway.

I am big fan of the Japanese. I love Manga, Anime and I have always thought I could derive sense out of the most intricate plot. I thought there was nothing that could come out of the country that I couldn’t relate to on some level.

Then this new game for the DS came along. Sega of all people have made it. And they have named it Kokoro Scan.

To put it very bluntly, my mind has been completely blown.



I really don't want to know what that guy in the clouds is doing. Can the younger views please turn avert your eyes.



"Quick, zoom in on his crotch!!!"



Here we have a christ like figure, riding some kind of holy bananna, while a crazed bear and a dog chase what seems to be some kind of escaped Paedophile.



There are actually laws against doing this! (Probably why he's on the run)

Here is the complete master work if you want to partake in a bit of Japanese madness.

I recommend that you do!

You know what I love? I love this new fangled marketing, that viral marketing that keeps everyone so busy. And that's just the point isn't, geeks have been growing in power and influence over the last few years and its got everyone scared, especially the movie people. Lets face it, it is a terrifying prospect. So they came up with viral marketing, keeps the geeks busy while they can get on with their jobs.

The Dark Knight is the latest to blow smoke up their collective asses and has a website were you can view the new teaser for the film, amongst other things.

http://www.whysoserious.com/

You ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight?

There is currently more comic book films in some stage of development than there are sweaty palmed geeks looking at Internet pictures of Hayden Panettiere. Some of these are good ideas, some of these are certainly bad but its the same for any movie, you get a bunch of idiots behind the scenes who don't know the first thing about movies but lots about money then your screwed. Strangely however there seems to be some interesting developments surrounding a lot of these films that could mean alot of them are going to rock, brains seems to be winning over brawn.


The latest buzz is possible casting for the Watchmen film, this ones been in development since film was invented, its an enigma, the grail of comic book movies. Does it matter that Heroes already covered its storyline in a rather competent way so everyone who hasn't read it will think its old news? Who can say.

The casting rumors for this film have been churning away for some time now and heres the latest: Ozymandias is to be played by Matthew Goode, Laurie Juspeczyk (hope i got that right) aka Silk Spectre is to be played by Malin Akerman. The last two have been around for a little longer with Billy Crudup as Mr Manhattan and the finally the biggest character in the whole thing, the man whose special ability is being a bit wrong in the headbox, Rorshach is to be played by Jackie Earle Haley.

Now other than Crudup I haven't really experienced the acting ability of most of this cast, though thats not always a bad thing. One good thing however is Goode is a Brit and he's playing the bad guy and you know we rule at playing bad guys.

The other casting rumor to hit is an odd one, from an odd development, its the Punisher sequel and this ones had some big ups and downs. I personally loved the first film, I don't think it was perfect but it had a certain violent charm that just made me smile. The role of Punisher was in the hands of Thomas Jane originally and he'd been behind the sequel 100% right after the last film. Intrigue ensued however and he has now dropped out stating that he could not be involved in a film that would be in no way faithful to either the source material or the action movie genre.

So who have the got to replace him, Ray Stevenson of course, don't recognize the name, me either but if I mention Titus Pullo you may know who I'm talking about. Its our friendly neighbourhood killing machine of Rome fame. But just cause he can rip a room full of guys apart in a few seconds leaving nothing but blood stained walls and an ichy pool to wade through, does that make him a good choice for The Punisher? erm...actually when you put it that way.

Before I go can I just point out these films change more than public opinion, you fickle bunch, so expect more updates.

When my friend and yours the legend in his own bedroom that is Geeky Tom, asked me to join him on his blog my first thought was "right, lets mix things up". So you've got Games, know a bit about those, there's Films and I love those in a way only a man can in those long lonely nights, same goes for TV. Finally Pirates, occasionally I like to take on the appearance of a pirate and who doesn't.

Lots to work with there, of course I decided to completely ignore all that and in my typical geeky ADD style I'm going to talk about shoes. But not just any shoes, oh no, high heel shoes, yup you heard me, on blog headlined by someone called Geeky Tom I'm going to talk about high heel shoes. Come...enjoy my madness.

The most unusual thing about these particular shoes (and these are some wierd ass shoes) is their creator, it's Sheilas' Wheels. I'm sorry for speaking the name, I know now that you're hearing that same ear bleeding whine in your head as you try with all power to forget that song. Here's the cool bit though, these bad boys aint just high heels, oh no, the very special heel folds away allowing the wearer a more comfortable flat shoe.

Just so we're clear, yes i'am a bit wierd but I just love crazy little inventions like this, it in no way effects my life but its just kinda cool. Bet it's japanese, love the way they think.

And why might you ask has Sheila taken it upon her self to create a shoe of all things? Something to do with women putting themselves at risk driving while wearing the wrong foot wear. Now I've spoke to a few women in my time and women wearing the wrong footwear is a problem which stretches far beyond driving.

Wait I've had an idea what about shoes with airbags so that when girls fall over they can land softly! I see a theme here. Oh yes and here's a picture of those shoes.

I decided to play that strange little game that goes by the name of Katamari Damacy for the first time over the weekend.

What a beautifully crafted and addictive game….BUT…there is something going on under the surface of this game that needs investigating.

Can no one see where I am going with this, has no one else seen the evil that is afoot.

For Christ sake, you play a little goblin man with a tampon for a head who wears a hideous day glow 80’s tracksuit, and you aim is to roll up the world in to a big ball and launch it in to space.

Jack Bauer wouldn’t stand for it that’s for sure; these little goblins are a threat against our national security….no our GOLBAL security.

These goblins start off their rolling ball thingy and it’s tiny. They would be hardly noticed in our busy world as people go about their daily business. But soon it’s big enough to envelope cars, then cities and then whole continents….by then it’s far too late. You will bare witness to destruction on a global scale, the UN wouldn’t stand a chance, the Red Cross would be brought to its knees and the human race would be wiped out.

All this done at the hands of 80’s day glow goblins. This may seem like the ramblings of a mad man, but there is video evidence for these global terrorists below,




Any way if you would like to play evil incarnate in a tracksuit, you can soon on the Xbox 360. All purchases of this game will be monitored!.....by me, probably using Facebook some how.

There are rumours spreading around the web that the fools at Lucasarts are in the stages of planning a non Starwars game!

Read the rumour here!

I know, it completely shocked me too. I can just imagine conversations that when down in the Lucasarts board room to start this rumour:

"so....we need a new game"
"We could do another starwars game?"
"I think we have pretty much done every starwars game conceivable"
"Yeah, I think your right"
".....sigh"
"........."
"Hey, Aren't Pirates the in thing at the moment!"
"Yeah your right, we should do a Pirate game...like Pirates of the Caribbean"
"Hey wait? Don't we own the rights to some kind of incredibly popular piratey game?"
"...Star Pirates?, Pirate Wars?"

That's right Monkey Island 5 is in the planning stages....

To be honest this confirms nothing, but it did prompt the Steve Purcell to send in some sneaky artwork to a few Monkey Island fansites!

Completely unrelated?
I don't bloody think so!

UPDATE:

After some more investigation it turns out that these images are in fact from a old project that was going to bring Monkey Island to the big screen. I guess Steve was just pulling our bloody peg leg, or maybe we were letting our excitement get the better of us. Its seems that Lucasarts are content with scratching together a living on their horrible junk heap of overdone franchises, cobbling together games from old bits of discarded Starwars.

WHAT FOOLS, WHAT COMPLETE AND UTTER FOOLS!

If only all talks were like this. Here Blaise Aguera y Arcas of Microsoft shows off Photosynth at this year's TED talks. Powered by Seadragon technology, it's a whole new way of viewing photos on your computer. His talk explains everything far better than I ever could, so watch on.



The potential for viewing photos in 3D space looks awesome. I have to admit that it was the ability to bury advertising within pages that got me most excited. The thought of no more annoying ads on pages would be joy indeed. Sad, I know.

Some stories can't be told in words, some legends are meant to die.......

Wow, look at snakes face, loot at it...he's bloody old but he still looks like he could kick your arse. Either that or theres a squirrel biting his balls!



Each and every Metal Gear installment has always just blown me away. The story, the game play.....they are just impeccable.

I can't describe to you how excited I am about what looks to be the last Metal Gear in this current story line, Metal Gear 4: Guns of the patriots.

Watch this 14 Minute trailer and wait for the last battle around 11min 23secs. If any game was meant for cinema then this is it.

I am great big fan of teaser trailers. Especially ones about the end of the world. I know nothing about Fallout 3, though to be honest this trailer is all I need to know. Actually, I lie. I do know that its made by Bethesda who have made some of my favourite games of all time....anyway watch the future of mankind below.

The chances of a Thundercats movie appearing on our screens in the next few years look pretty likely after Warner Brothers optioned a script based on the TV show we all used to watch as kids. Forgotten about Lion-O, Panthro and Cheetara? Let this refresh your childhood memories.



This is all good news for the rubbish band Mumm-Ra, as it's sure to mean they hand onto their record deal for a few years longer at least. Surely, a Mumm-Ra soundtrack to the Thundercats movies is a total must now.

Somebody just forwarded this rather excellent video to me. This dude has a real knowledge of drug movies.



Apparently, there are 40 different movies in the clip. Can you spot them all?

That's what Capcom want us to do with our Wiimotes when Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles is released on the Wii. Here's a look at the Japanese trailer.



Having been a big fan of the Resident Evil arcade shooter, I'm looking forward to this. Although, the thought of Resident Evil 5 is what's really infected my blood with enthusiasm. I fear Umbrella Chronicles will meerly end up a being a nice little distraction before the real deal turns up in 2008.

No I haven’t gone completely insane, let me introduce to a game that I have been obsessing about for the last few months.

Bioshock, from the guys that brought you system shock 1 and 2 is a First person shooter set in a 1940s art deco wonder land.


Basically the plot goes a little something like this; your plane crashes in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, by chance you survive and spot a random looking light house jutting out the sea. Upon entering the place and descending the stairs downwards you find a bathysphere (a spherical deep-sea submersible which is unpowered and is lowered into the ocean on a cable). You decide, well hay lets take a trip downwards, I was going that way anyway. This is when it starts getting rather strange; the bathysphere takes you to a huge underwater city called rapture.


Now rapture was apparently created as a utopian Society by some Russian fellow called Andrew Ryan in the 1940’s. Now Ryan envisioned the ultimate capitalistic and individualist paradise with the elite achieving for themselves rather then for the great unwashed (sounds great doesn’t it). Ryan filled it with the best examples of mankind, scientist’s musicians and the place apparently prospered. Oh for all the people who are saying, well how did they breath down there and what did they eat. Well they thought of that didn’t they! The whole place was entirely self-supporting, with all of its electricity, food production, water purification and defense systems powered by undersea volcanic openings, so there. Its starting to sound like a certain TV show that I that I do a podcast for.


Well, when you finally arrive in the city everything seems to have gone to shit. Its vast underground living areas and laboratory complexes scarred by the effects of the civil war and poisoned by biological weapons, there are loads of dead bodies around but you can bet your arse that not everyone is dead. Something definitely went down in this place and I guess the game is to find out why.

Sounds amazing doesn’t it, especially when find out that all the citizens have been genetically modifying themselves to the point when they aren’t really human anymore. What’s even cooler is that you can modify yourself to get wicked abilities, like firing bees out your arms….. I’ve always wanted to cover people in bees.


Roaming around this cities are creatures called big daddies and little sisters. The big daddies protect the little sisters (who appear just to be scared little girls). You find out early on that these little sisters have genetic material you need to survive so you have to do anything to get it and I mean anything. Apparently you don’t actually see the slaughter of these little sisters but they don’t seem to be able to survive the genetic material extraction process, what ever that is.

Anyway the game throws up a lot of moral issues like shall I kill the little girl or not?


I can see this is causing a lot of controversy here in the UK, I better buy it before they ban it.

well, I am been following this game for a huge amount of time.

I don't buy a large amount of games, but Bioshock is definetly going to get bought on the day of release.

Heres the story of the game directly off the site:


Now how can you say that doesnt sound bloody amazing!!!!

I am getting lost vibes from it to be honest.

Bonkers Japanese videogame mag Famitsu has some kind of Resident Evil 4 Wii exclusive, which I'm now going to repeat in a mocking manner as I pick through a badly translated babelfish version of their site.

It's the same as the Gamecube and PS2 version, but instead of simply pressing a button to interact with surroundings, you have to shake the wiimote like a spaz holding a piece of hot coal. This is what it looks like:


New crate slapping action!


All new 'Press A to look out of window' mode.


Unlockable jive dancing sub game.


"Biohazard 4 Wii edition the reporter whom you experienced. Becoming too absorption, as for attitude the which tilts, Wii remote control the which is scattered, the sweat out the which is sown as for large the plain gauze!"


FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, it's just a bloody wiimote waggling over a scene from the Gamecube version. We could have mocked this up and got an exclusive. Look: here's one I just did of the new PS3 version of the game, where you smash in zombie heads with Mallet's Mallet:



Anyway. Resident Evil 4 will be on Nintendo Wii soon. Probably.

That’s right, he is at it again. He just loves destroying one of my favourite movie franchises.

Lucasarts has just released footage from the new Star Wars Clone Wars Tv series.

I was a fan of the original Clone Wars by Genndy Tartakovsky because Lucas had absolutely no hand in making it (I think!!!)

But it looks like he has cottoned on to the fact that the mini series for cartoon network got a better reaction than his rubbish excuse for a set of new movies. So he went off to his evil little Lucas hole, where all his magical computers live and has churned out a new CGI version of the series.

WHY LUCAS WHY…WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CONTINUALLY RUIN ONE OF MY FAVOURITE FILMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t care if there is nothing else like it on TV Lucas (which strictly isn’t true if you remember reboot on ITV) Some things need to be left alone and I think its about time that you left the dead and burning corpse of Star Wars to turn to ash while it still has a shred of creditability left.....

Phew anyway.

Here is the trailer, I will let you decide if you think it will be a load of trash or a CGI master piece...HHAHAAHAHH couldn’t say that with a straight face.

After watching the final few episodes of Heroes it began to dawn on me that the series might actually be a satire of America's infamous Neoconservatives. The plot involves an incredibly powerful mobster called Linderman (the wonderfully cast Malcolm Mcdowell), who believes that society is so broken that only some form of apocalyptic event - in this case a nuclear explosion in New York - can unite America to work towards a common good.

In his brilliant series The Power Of Nightmares, Adam Curtis presents a similar theory about Neocon thinking in Bush Jr. America. They believe that society needs a bogey man in order to function properly, in order to behave itself and not descend into chaos. The fall of the Soviet Union had robbed America of its previous Darth Vader, so when Al-Qaeda came along the Neocons were only too pleased to sign up for the fight. Thus, 9/11 becomes a force for good in their thinking, something to save society from itself and to refocus it on fighting an foreign foe, a new boogy man.

To begin with, I had written Heroes off as simply a wonderfully entertaining blockbuster of a TV show. Now, it seems to have developed much more interesting powers and I await the second series with much anticipation.

If that’s not a name for a TV Show then call me Betty and paint me pink......ok maybe not.

Well, lost has finished then. I am not sure if I like where they are taking it but I will reserve my judgement for a later date. To be honest I trust the producers and I think they have made a bold move by setting the plot in stone for the next few seasons. We now know that they escape from the island which is pretty mind blowing, they better not screw it up.

High light of the episode for me was pissed jack, I think he’s found his calling in life, playing drunk washed up bums. I hope it doesn’t set a precedent for the rest of his career.

It’s been a tough week for me because Heroes has finished too, for all the people that are waiting for it to be shown on BBC 2 I won’t spoil it, but let’s just say that I think I enjoyed the ending of that more then lost, I am always been a fan of feudal Japan…..I think that was what it was.

I think I will be mostly catching up on 24 over the summer, I have recently rediscovered the wonders of Jack Bauer and his bestest chum Tony Almeda....Jesus Christ these guys have some bad days.

First post is finished, more coming soon.

The Playstation 3 has to be the most disastrous console launch ever. Even worse than the Virtual Boy which ruined your eyes. For the love of all things holy it's ugly, it has no rumble, a piss poor attempt at motion sensing, and all for a bargain £450.

Now while I've been mocking the PS3's sales figures and following Europe At War on UK Resistance, Geeky Tom has followed a different path. He clung to fact that PS3 would win in the end "because Metal Gear Solid 4 is only going to be available on Playstation". I have to admit that his point scared me. Solid Snake would probably make me want to pony up half a grand for the room heating monolith - the thought of using that useless controller to break people's necks in a left to right motion, awesome. Maybe Sony would win the war after all.

And then came the news that Metal Gear Solid 4 would be coming out on the Xbox 360 as well. I'm crying with laughter now, because it's also coming out on the Wii. How did Sony get it so wrong? Their quest for the most powerful console has actually backfired on them, making it so expensive to create games for that developers aren't prepared to do exclusives any longer. So what reason is there left to buy one now?

The Castlevania movie isn't scheduled for release until 2009, but I already know that it's going to be s**t. The reason? Paul WS Anderson is directing it. Having already ruined Resident Evil and Alien VS Predator, he must have been scrabbling around for his next game victim to suck the lifeblood from.

Honestly, only Uwe Boll rivals this guy in terms of their ability to destroy films. I bet his plot involves Dracula's lair being some underground bunker/temple/castle, an Aliens rip-off team of vampire hunters and a final scene in which the heroine has to escape some form of cheap special effect explosion. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

After much big talk the Wyvern has finally taken to the skies. Home of Geeky Tom and friends, the Wyvern is a place for games, websites and other forms of entertainment.