Welcome to the year 2054. The world is now a very different place. The first robotic President has been elected in The United States of America, peanuts are now officially called 'freedom pellets', Fuel prices have rocketed due to mass conflicts in the Bosporus so now only the twenty richest men in the world can afford to drive a car, Joan Rivers, Oprah Winfrey and U2 are all now powered by steam and kill everything in their path, indiscriminately and with precious little regard for human life. Everything is grey and it always rains. Everyone is very sad but things are about to get much worse.Capitalism has caused profit snowballing and the largest multinational corporations have now become so rich that they are set to change the face of the planet forever. Welcome to The Democratic Republic of Fruit Gums formally known as 'Chad', the first country to have it's name changed to a brand. Rowntrees bought the country in 2052 and are in the process of turning it into the world's largest bill board. Billions of pounds have been spent on digging a giant canal system spelling out such products as 'Fruit Pastilles', 'Jelly Tots' and 'Tooty Frooties' in 10 mile high lettering that can be seen clearly from space.
Medicines and food are now contraband leading to mass starvation and illness. Millions more are expected to suffer. McDonalds has monopolised 50% of the worlds buildings and turned them in restaurants.However because cows have been put on the endangered species list Mcdonalds have developed a new kind of meat made from stars. Statistically every single person will live next to, above, below or in a McDonalds restaurant.
Pavements are now so greasy that Nike have had to develop a new kind of super high grip shoe to make it possible to walk. Leglislation has also been passed to make this footwear mandatory. The punishment for wearing any other footwear is aids. General Motors Company own the copyright to fruit, Coca Cola have cloned 3000 babies, tattooed them with the Coca Cola logo and sent them on a space ship in an attempt to sell the product in other dimensions to maximise profits. Virgin have bought the core of the earth and boasts the only holiday destination that reaches 25 000 degrees Celsius apart from the Sun with is now owned by the Sun newspaper and used to incinerate pedophiles after a weekly vote on the BBC which is still shit and has no money.
This will happen.
(Some creative writing from Matt Haydock, our new blogger)
2 comments:
Will it happen though?
...no, it won't
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