What makes me angry is this countries obsequious pandering to the American lifestyle, like those fat, inbred, thick as shit, trigger happy monkeys have anything to offer anyone.

Sorry, that is perhaps a little generalised and rather caustic but I'm a tad pissed off.

Firstly I'm not eating very much chocolate, and I freaking love chocolate. I was raised by a dyed in the wool chocoholic, my mother would literally kill babies for chocolate at one stage. Sometimes I wonder if she has in fact committed human rights atrocities to feed her addiction.

Why am I not eating much chocolate? Because Kraft are a big fat bunch of greasy fingered twats is why!

Not only are they about to rape a British institution but they're going to do it with money apparently borrowed from a British bank!!

And that's what really gets me worked up, is how god damned stupid we have got, that we live in a country were national pride has been reduced to selling each other out for whatever we can get. At least Americans try to have a little self respect.

It's not as though they're force feeding us the American lifestyle, we're just guzzling it down like the ever increasingly fat country we are.

For example I went into Somerfield (now owned by the Co-Op), never been the most delightful place for customer service as I'm fairly certain they only hire mental hospital out-patients. However now when I'm on my 30 minute dinner and having queued quite some time, I get to the till I am assailed with pointless and annoying questions...

"Do you have a Co-Op members card?"
"Would you like one?"
"Did you you know it's a lottery roll over this week?"
"Would You like a lottery ticket?"
"Do you need any stamps?"

I'm buying a tin of soup and a bread roll, why the fuckity would I need stamps!?! Perhaps I've a adopted a stance of bizarre forward planning and I'm now posting my dinner to myself to avoid having to be bombarded by inane questions.

And in some places I'm now confronted by sales assistants giving me their shitting name! Why the hell do I want to know your name! I don't even want you polyester sweat stains near me thank you very much, let alone develop our brief relationship to a first name basis.

Or maybe I'm just being a grumpy fart, if I'm honest when I was in New York I rather liked the people there, and the service. Then again, there's not really any Americans in New York and you expect the service, in Sheffield, well I prefer a certain amount of social distance.

Most certainly not Sweet.