However as I'm consistently broke and a bit of a snob when it comes to drinking (I particularly like expensive spiced rum if anyone wants to give to charity) I have trouble maintaining my attempt at drowning my sorrows.
At this point I'm fucked.
Trapped with my own thoughts, its like living in 500 days of summer as written by Edgar Allen Poe with a rewrite from the Hollyoaks writers, grim does not begin to describe it. And so to hide from myself I've found are rather interesting site on the internet called Youtube. Amazingly this a whole site full of shit videos of people who are clearly deluded in thinking that:
1) They are funny;
2) The rest of the world gives a shit about them and their silly little lives.
As I am obviously so much better than any of those other fools I have stuck to watching music videos. I must admit this is a pass time I found rather confusing previously but it has really been helping my calm, or at least the noise and colours confounds my brain so I don't go back to the bad place.
In doing this I discovered an interesting new band called Esben and the Witch, who's simple, gory video for "Marching Song" is pleasantly disturbing and is backed up by fantastically angst filled song, just right for my current purposes.
It also helps that the lead singer is the kind of woman that if you went to one of their gigs you would convince yourself that when she looked in the audience she looked right at you. And its only 18 months later when your holding a court order that you realise going to every gig in a 1000 mile radius and sending her increasingly candid photos of yourself, does not constitute a healthy relationship.
However I'm not entirely stable and as such, at times, my mind confuses itself into thinking I'm deliriously happy and of course everything is going to be fine, why wouldn't it be?
You never answer that particular question, instead you watch the ever fun and ingenious videos of OK GO. I've got two here for you, both from their new album "Of the Blue Colour of the Sky", the first is their newest video for the track "White Knuckles", followed by the second video they did for "This To shall Pass", I'd post the other one here too but I think it would be getting a little silly then, anyway LOOK....
Sweet.