No I haven’t gone completely insane, let me introduce to a game that I have been obsessing about for the last few months.

Bioshock, from the guys that brought you system shock 1 and 2 is a First person shooter set in a 1940s art deco wonder land.


Basically the plot goes a little something like this; your plane crashes in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, by chance you survive and spot a random looking light house jutting out the sea. Upon entering the place and descending the stairs downwards you find a bathysphere (a spherical deep-sea submersible which is unpowered and is lowered into the ocean on a cable). You decide, well hay lets take a trip downwards, I was going that way anyway. This is when it starts getting rather strange; the bathysphere takes you to a huge underwater city called rapture.


Now rapture was apparently created as a utopian Society by some Russian fellow called Andrew Ryan in the 1940’s. Now Ryan envisioned the ultimate capitalistic and individualist paradise with the elite achieving for themselves rather then for the great unwashed (sounds great doesn’t it). Ryan filled it with the best examples of mankind, scientist’s musicians and the place apparently prospered. Oh for all the people who are saying, well how did they breath down there and what did they eat. Well they thought of that didn’t they! The whole place was entirely self-supporting, with all of its electricity, food production, water purification and defense systems powered by undersea volcanic openings, so there. Its starting to sound like a certain TV show that I that I do a podcast for.


Well, when you finally arrive in the city everything seems to have gone to shit. Its vast underground living areas and laboratory complexes scarred by the effects of the civil war and poisoned by biological weapons, there are loads of dead bodies around but you can bet your arse that not everyone is dead. Something definitely went down in this place and I guess the game is to find out why.

Sounds amazing doesn’t it, especially when find out that all the citizens have been genetically modifying themselves to the point when they aren’t really human anymore. What’s even cooler is that you can modify yourself to get wicked abilities, like firing bees out your arms….. I’ve always wanted to cover people in bees.


Roaming around this cities are creatures called big daddies and little sisters. The big daddies protect the little sisters (who appear just to be scared little girls). You find out early on that these little sisters have genetic material you need to survive so you have to do anything to get it and I mean anything. Apparently you don’t actually see the slaughter of these little sisters but they don’t seem to be able to survive the genetic material extraction process, what ever that is.

Anyway the game throws up a lot of moral issues like shall I kill the little girl or not?


I can see this is causing a lot of controversy here in the UK, I better buy it before they ban it.

well, I am been following this game for a huge amount of time.

I don't buy a large amount of games, but Bioshock is definetly going to get bought on the day of release.

Heres the story of the game directly off the site:


Now how can you say that doesnt sound bloody amazing!!!!

I am getting lost vibes from it to be honest.

Bonkers Japanese videogame mag Famitsu has some kind of Resident Evil 4 Wii exclusive, which I'm now going to repeat in a mocking manner as I pick through a badly translated babelfish version of their site.

It's the same as the Gamecube and PS2 version, but instead of simply pressing a button to interact with surroundings, you have to shake the wiimote like a spaz holding a piece of hot coal. This is what it looks like:


New crate slapping action!


All new 'Press A to look out of window' mode.


Unlockable jive dancing sub game.


"Biohazard 4 Wii edition the reporter whom you experienced. Becoming too absorption, as for attitude the which tilts, Wii remote control the which is scattered, the sweat out the which is sown as for large the plain gauze!"


FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, it's just a bloody wiimote waggling over a scene from the Gamecube version. We could have mocked this up and got an exclusive. Look: here's one I just did of the new PS3 version of the game, where you smash in zombie heads with Mallet's Mallet:



Anyway. Resident Evil 4 will be on Nintendo Wii soon. Probably.

That’s right, he is at it again. He just loves destroying one of my favourite movie franchises.

Lucasarts has just released footage from the new Star Wars Clone Wars Tv series.

I was a fan of the original Clone Wars by Genndy Tartakovsky because Lucas had absolutely no hand in making it (I think!!!)

But it looks like he has cottoned on to the fact that the mini series for cartoon network got a better reaction than his rubbish excuse for a set of new movies. So he went off to his evil little Lucas hole, where all his magical computers live and has churned out a new CGI version of the series.

WHY LUCAS WHY…WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CONTINUALLY RUIN ONE OF MY FAVOURITE FILMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t care if there is nothing else like it on TV Lucas (which strictly isn’t true if you remember reboot on ITV) Some things need to be left alone and I think its about time that you left the dead and burning corpse of Star Wars to turn to ash while it still has a shred of creditability left.....

Phew anyway.

Here is the trailer, I will let you decide if you think it will be a load of trash or a CGI master piece...HHAHAAHAHH couldn’t say that with a straight face.

After watching the final few episodes of Heroes it began to dawn on me that the series might actually be a satire of America's infamous Neoconservatives. The plot involves an incredibly powerful mobster called Linderman (the wonderfully cast Malcolm Mcdowell), who believes that society is so broken that only some form of apocalyptic event - in this case a nuclear explosion in New York - can unite America to work towards a common good.

In his brilliant series The Power Of Nightmares, Adam Curtis presents a similar theory about Neocon thinking in Bush Jr. America. They believe that society needs a bogey man in order to function properly, in order to behave itself and not descend into chaos. The fall of the Soviet Union had robbed America of its previous Darth Vader, so when Al-Qaeda came along the Neocons were only too pleased to sign up for the fight. Thus, 9/11 becomes a force for good in their thinking, something to save society from itself and to refocus it on fighting an foreign foe, a new boogy man.

To begin with, I had written Heroes off as simply a wonderfully entertaining blockbuster of a TV show. Now, it seems to have developed much more interesting powers and I await the second series with much anticipation.

If that’s not a name for a TV Show then call me Betty and paint me pink......ok maybe not.

Well, lost has finished then. I am not sure if I like where they are taking it but I will reserve my judgement for a later date. To be honest I trust the producers and I think they have made a bold move by setting the plot in stone for the next few seasons. We now know that they escape from the island which is pretty mind blowing, they better not screw it up.

High light of the episode for me was pissed jack, I think he’s found his calling in life, playing drunk washed up bums. I hope it doesn’t set a precedent for the rest of his career.

It’s been a tough week for me because Heroes has finished too, for all the people that are waiting for it to be shown on BBC 2 I won’t spoil it, but let’s just say that I think I enjoyed the ending of that more then lost, I am always been a fan of feudal Japan…..I think that was what it was.

I think I will be mostly catching up on 24 over the summer, I have recently rediscovered the wonders of Jack Bauer and his bestest chum Tony Almeda....Jesus Christ these guys have some bad days.

First post is finished, more coming soon.

The Playstation 3 has to be the most disastrous console launch ever. Even worse than the Virtual Boy which ruined your eyes. For the love of all things holy it's ugly, it has no rumble, a piss poor attempt at motion sensing, and all for a bargain £450.

Now while I've been mocking the PS3's sales figures and following Europe At War on UK Resistance, Geeky Tom has followed a different path. He clung to fact that PS3 would win in the end "because Metal Gear Solid 4 is only going to be available on Playstation". I have to admit that his point scared me. Solid Snake would probably make me want to pony up half a grand for the room heating monolith - the thought of using that useless controller to break people's necks in a left to right motion, awesome. Maybe Sony would win the war after all.

And then came the news that Metal Gear Solid 4 would be coming out on the Xbox 360 as well. I'm crying with laughter now, because it's also coming out on the Wii. How did Sony get it so wrong? Their quest for the most powerful console has actually backfired on them, making it so expensive to create games for that developers aren't prepared to do exclusives any longer. So what reason is there left to buy one now?

The Castlevania movie isn't scheduled for release until 2009, but I already know that it's going to be s**t. The reason? Paul WS Anderson is directing it. Having already ruined Resident Evil and Alien VS Predator, he must have been scrabbling around for his next game victim to suck the lifeblood from.

Honestly, only Uwe Boll rivals this guy in terms of their ability to destroy films. I bet his plot involves Dracula's lair being some underground bunker/temple/castle, an Aliens rip-off team of vampire hunters and a final scene in which the heroine has to escape some form of cheap special effect explosion. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

After much big talk the Wyvern has finally taken to the skies. Home of Geeky Tom and friends, the Wyvern is a place for games, websites and other forms of entertainment.